I balance on a razor’s edge overhanging a precipice. If I slip, I die. Life is simple, yet astoundingly complex I must juggle my lies and sins as I walk barefoot across the gap. The masks of my deception are numerous each different, yet all the same. I hide behind them so no one sees what lies beneath, yet even I cannot fathom the monster that dwells below the surface.
I’m at wits end. My mom exploded again and I’m getting to the point that I’m just like “Fuck it all, do whatever the fuck you feel like, I’m out.” It’s not like i’m going to go off myself or something like that, but she keeps pushing me and pushing me and I keep getting closer to snapping. I lost control in the car earlier, and all I know is I was screaming. I don’t have any idea what I said all I know is that she started yelling at me literally about 10 seconds after I woke up and I lapsed. I gotta get my shit together for these last few weeks of school and this summer I might honestly just leave. I have nowhere to go, no plan in mind, but just going sounds fantastic. Food is cheap, gas is expensive, and my Jeep runs great. I feel like that all I want right now, just somewhere quiet to sit and write with absolutely no distractions. Off grid. As I learned over spring break, I’m incredibly self sufficient and honestly thats enough for me. I’ll give it till the end of this school year, but if things don’t turn up, I’m road tripping to nowhere.
sorry if this sounds bitchy. im nervous about moving. the house if officially rented, but we’ve got 4 weeks to get out and into the new house. im not sure i can handle the drama involved and its pretty much the middle of finals too, so im gonna die. my best friend’s girl seem to hate my mother and im trying to ignore it and not say anything rash, but its hard. everyone seems to think that something is bothering him, but honestly i dont see it. maybe im blind, but i sure hope not. grades need some help and im trying my best. moms on edge and all im trying to do is stay out of trouble. any suggestions to relieve some stress, because im going nuts here(?)